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Born With Instructions
We finally seem to get parenting techniques that work with the
first child only to find out that they dont work with the next
child. Why can kids be born with instructions? Good news! When
you understand your childrens perceptual styles, youll
discover that they are born with an instruction manual. Each
of us is a unique combination of the Four Perceptions: Audio,
Feeler, Visual, and Wholistic. When children are born, they are
100% Feelers. Although they will continue to have sensitive
feelings during their formative years, their primary Perception
will begin to reveal itself when theyre about six months old.
The following true story reveals how differently it unfolds
based on the perceptual style of the child. Some of the mothers
actions led to discouraging results while others led to more
encouraging results.
How To Choose A Diaper BagEven though it's a popular shower gift, you may want to choose a specific type of diaper bag, either .....
The principal desire for AUDIO Children is to maintain personal
control and a sense of fairness. I was sitting in the
allergists office when a woman entered with her four-year-old,
Aaron, and his two cousins, Carrie, 13, and Curt, 11.
Immediately Aaron started acting silly. His mother told him to
sit down and behave. No! he shouted and giggled. He picked up
magazines and threw them on the floor. Pick them up and put
them back, his mother demanded. Aaron hurled them on the table
and then noisily started rolling and kicking on the floor. His
mother glared, Get up and sit down right now! His seat barely
touched the cushion before he was back on the floor again.
Aarons mother grabbed his arm and started to take him outside.
Instantly he shouted, No, no! He had pushed the limits too
far, something that Audios will always test. They went to the
toy room where Aaron grabbed a stuffed toy, raced back to the
waiting room and threw it up in the air, giggling loudly. His
mother was called for her allergy injection so she whispered to
the cousins to ignore him. Carrie said shed read a book to
Aaron. He plopped in a chair and soon started loudly hamming up
the story. Carrie closed the book and refused to read. Aaron
turned to Curt who also refused to play with him. When his
mother came out, it was time for Aarons shot and he impishly
said, No! His mother said in a firm voice, When we get home,
were having a cookout and then were going swimming. If you
dont behave, you will eat in your room and stay there for the
rest of the night. The choice is yours. The change in Aaron was
Growing PainsGrowing Pains By David Leonhardt Growing up is never easy. Just ask Little Lady, almost three-and-a-half, ..... instantaneous. Ill be good. Quietly, he went to get his
allergy injection. Aarons actions were motivated by his desire
to maintain personal control. He wanted to show off to his
cousins. When his control of the situation was threatened, his
emotions drove his reactions and he became defiant. Every
technique his mother tried was appropriate. The one with the
most encouraging results allowed Aaron to maintain personal
control and he sensed the fairness.
The principal desire for FEELER Children is to please you or not
make you angry. For Feelers, their feelings drive both their
actions and reactions. For comparison, here is a summary of the
same scenario about Aaron, only this time hes a Feeler. Aaron
was excited because his cousins were visiting. He started
spinning around with his arms outstretched. Whee-e-e! he
shouted happily. Suddenly he lost his balance and crashed into
the corner of the end table. It hurt but he tried not to cry in
front of his cousins. Thats enough! his mother glared. Come
over here and sit down right now. With his eyes lowered and
shoulders hunched, he crept over to the chair in the corner. He
drew up his knees and pushed himself into the corner. He rested
his head on his knees. Soon he quietly raise his head to wipe
away a tear. Then he slid off his chair and walked with his head
down over to his mother. As he pulled his shorts down to reveal
his bruise, the tears flowed and he whimpered, I hurt myself.
Im sure it hurts, but it will get better, she said
matter-of-factly. She got up to go get her allergy shot. Alarmed
his mother would leave while still mad at him, Aaron threw his
arms around her and said he was sorry. Its okay, she said and
smiled. Gratefully he reached for his mothers hand and they
went to get their shots. When they returned, Aaron showed his
cousins where he received the allergy injection. It only hurt a
little, he said proudly. Carrie asked if hed like her to read
his book while they waited the required 30 minutes. He nodded.
As she read, she had her arm around him. He glowed. Then he
interrupted to tell her about something that happened in
preschool. His face was animated as he enjoyed reliving the
incident. All was right with Aarons world. He was pleased with
himself and he was pleasing those around him.
The principal desire for Visual Children is for everything to be
perfect, just as they visualized it. Visual children are usually
obedient, unless they have to deal with an unexpected change.
Then they might resist. Lets revisit Aaron again but now hes a
Visual child. Aaron skipped into the small waiting room. He was
excited because his cousins were visiting. Lets play! he
thought. He leaned against his cousin, Curt, and started pushing
on his knees. Curt playfully pushed back Aarons shoulders.
Aaron pushed harder. Curt returned the shove a little too hard
and Aaron suddenly plopped on the floor. He giggled loudly and
started pushing his cousins legs with his feet. Stop that,
Curt demanded. Aaron pushed again. This was fun! Aaron, his
mother said sternly, Get up and sit down next to me. Aaron
climbed on to the chair. With his shoulders hunched, he looked
down at the floor. He wanedt to play and have fun but now he
couldnt. Humiliation engulfed him. What must his cousins think
of him? When his mothers name was called, she got up to leave.
Aaron quickly slid out of his chair and tearfully ran toward
her. She turned and said, You can stay and Carrie can read to
you. But we always go together! Aaron wailed. His mother
stretched out her hand and he gratefully took it. Aaron
playfully tiptoed back into the waiting room. He smiled broadly
when his cousins noticed. Carrie asked, Shall we read your book
while we wait? He nodded. As she read, he began to act out the
parts he knew so well. Visuals are natural actors. Their vivid
imaginations expand on the stories, often in humorous ways.
Aaron walked around the tiny room like an elephant. Soon he was
another animal. Aaron was content in his imaginary world. He
Cool Summertime CookingSummertime--and the living is easy! But the kitchen is hot!! It's time for some cool cooking ..... wasnt rowdy and I enjoyed his amusing antics. Although Aarons
mother maintained firm discipline, she recognized his need for a
creative outlet. When she started to leave without him and he
protested, she realized he wanted to do what they usually do,
get their shots together. Visuals like routine because they can
visualize it.
The principal desire for Wholistic Children is to be treated
like an adult. Since Wholistic children see themselves as
adults, usually they are well behaved unless theyre tired,
bored or resentful. Then they will cry or whine or become testy.
Theyre comfortable with adults and feel resentful when told
they cant do something because theyre not old enough. How
different is Aarons story as a Wholistic. Aaron ran over to the
chairs and sat down. He told Curt to sit on one side of him and
Book Review: Pagan ParentingPagan Parenting: Spiritual, Magical and Emotional Development of the Child Author: Kristin Madden Trade Paperback ..... Carrie on the other. This was something new and fun! He wasnt
just with his mother. Aaron started talking about the allergy
injection. He showed how the nurse squeezes his arm to make a
hill and then gives him the shot. That way, he said
boastfully, it hurts only a little bit. Aaron pointed out the
childrens books. I know all of them, he said. Would you like
one? he asked Carrie, hopefully. She nodded. Carrie started
reading but it was going too slowly. Aaron was quickly getting
bored. Ill read, he said. He took the book and started
telling the story. He zipped through the book and ran for
another one. He continued until all the books were finished.
Aarons mother got called to go for her injection. Aaron
immediately asked if he could stay with his cousins. She agreed.
When it was his turn, he asked Curt to join him. When they came
back, since the books were done, he started talking about
whatever came to mind. As the minutes ticked by, boredom struck.
He got off the chair and crawled underneath. Im in my cave and
if you get too close, Ill eat you, he squealed delightedly. He
tickled the back of Carries legs. She let out a yell and stood
up. Aaron laughed uproariously. He pushed his head against the
back of Curts legs. If you dont open the door right now, Ill
bite you! Curt parted his legs and Aaron squirmed through. The
game was over. Restlessness swept over Aaron again and he began
to whimper. He heard thunder and perked up. Can I go see the
storm? he asked. Carrie volunteered to take him outside. The
change was instantaneous. He went from looking completely wilted
to a happy, bubbly boy, gleefully running to the door. After a
few minutes he burst into the room. Mommy, you should see the
rainbow. Hurry before it goes away! Ah, the wonderful, exciting
world of new things to explore and investigate. Wholistics are
creative and imaginative. At home they can play for a long time
by themselves. Their fantasies carry them in many challenging
directions and theyre content. Can you identify your childrens
primary perceptual styles from this story?
About the author:
Carol Welsh, M.S. is the author of Stop When You See Red. She
has over 25 years experience as a speaker and is a frequent
guest on talk shows. Website is www.stopred.com.
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